Talking to your teen about substance use may seem more daunting than it really is. Most teens, including young teens, already know a thing or two about tobacco, alcohol, and other drugs through TV, movies, music, friends, school, or perhaps even first-hand experience. The tricky part is figuring out exactly why you feel you should bring up a particular issue and determining what exactly you want to say about a specific substance.

It’s important for you to prepare for conversations with your teen by “doing your homework” about substances and their use. Knowing as much as you can about commonly used substances, including the facts surrounding the potential effects of a drug will give you confidence and credibility in the eyes of your teen. Research suggests young people would like to look to their parents as their key source of drug information, so the more you understand the better the conversation will be. You might get informed by visiting good websites like www.silink.ca or www.heretohelp.bc.ca.

Another way to prepare is to have a clear idea about your own substance-related beliefs and values. Ask yourself if and when you would accept smoking and drinking in your house. Think about your views about cannabis and other illicit substances, and consider why you hold those beliefs. Assess your own substance use patterns and think about what messages you’re sending to your teen.

You can start a conversation with your teen by taking advantage of situations in which the issue of substance use arises naturally, such as while watching a news story about drinking and driving. Another way is to use substances themselves as a cue. For example, while enjoying a glass of wine at dinner, you might ask everyone around the table to share their views on how much alcohol is too much for a person in one particular evening. If you have a fairly open relationship with your teen, you may be able to be up front about your views and values and start a conversation by simply talking about what’s on your mind.

Here are some tips on how to keep the conversation flowing:

Be a good listener. Use this opportunity to really get to know who your teen is and what their world is like. Show your teen you love and respect them by actively listening to what they have to say.

Be respectful of your teen’s point of view. You don’t have to agree with your teen, but you should avoid reacting angrily or negatively to what they have to say.

Make your position known. Be clear about your expectations of your teen and make sure they understand the consequences of stretching beyond the limits or breaking family rules.

Avoid going into “lecture mode.” A conversation is a two-way deal. Your teen will likely tune out if you do all the talking and load the conversation with “you’d better” and “you’d better not” statements.

Keep in mind the teen mind. Research suggests teens respond best to examples of short-term harms related to substance use. That is, telling a teen that smoking gives them bad breath will have more impact than telling them they’ll get cancer. Teens also tend to dismiss scare tactics and exaggerations, such as “try meth once and you’ll be hooked for life.” All they have to do is look around to find examples that refute what you’re saying. If they find a flaw with what you’re saying about drugs, your teen may wind up questioning other things you say.

Encourage regular communication. By creating opportunities for regular discussions with your teen, you show them you’re interested in what they think and how they’re experiencing the world. Establishing a pattern also makes future discussions about more difficult matters a little easier. You might choose the after-dinner hour as the time to talk. Or you might create a family night devoted to sharing stories, playing games, and chatting.